Recently I've become inundated with Facebook friendship requests from hot women, Hispanic women, and hot Hispanic women. That could mean one of two things: either my mojo has reached global proportions and women I've never met are clamoring for my attention, or, more likely, Facebook has become so spamalicious and unregulated that these fembots are allowed to stay out there, trying to steal our information (and our hearts).
It all started about two weeks ago with this gal, going by the name of Romiinitah DC. I don't think I ever met anyone like this in DC, and if I had, I would have banged her. Poor Romiinitah, by the way, only has 36 friends and they're all horny teenage dudes. I can tell because the only thing on her wall is a heated male-only discussion over who's gayer than whom. Pass.
Agustinaa Velazquez, pictured below, soon followed suit. I have no idea what's up with the double and triple vowels, but it became a pattern. Agustinaa pros: she likes to take self-photos of her butt while wearing a skimpy thong. Agustinaa cons: she has only one friend, a gullible chap by the name of Nicolas Rodriguez. Her only status update since joining Facebook, as far as I can tell from her wall, has been "who wants to have a threesome?" Thanks but no thanks, buttocks lady.
Here's where the efforts start getting laughable. I'm friended by someone named Yëszëniiäh Minx (actually, with a name like that, it could be an alien). Yesz, which is what I'll call her from now on because I'm not about to type all those double vowels and triple umlauts, features some sort of a logotype photo looking sultry with all of her prepubescent friends in a pose that can only be described as stand-up spooning. "Look at us!" they seem to be saying. "We're all a bunch of high school LEZZZZZBIANS!" Sorry, Lezzy Yeszy. Maybe in ten years.
At this point, either a) the spammers start getting devious or b) I expose a completely innocent young woman. This is Estefania Uriarte, from Buenos Aires. Her name is spelled correctly, without any repeated vowels. She has a fairly real-looking profile and a real-looking Peruvian boyfriend she's in a relationship with. She also has a bevy of profile pics (but, granted, she's attempting to look sexy in all of them). If this was an isolated friend request, I wouldn't accept it, but I might give her the benefit of the doubt -- maybe I met her while I was drunkenly hovering around the city, or more likely she just searched for Buenos Aires people and randomly friended me. BUT! In light of what comes next, her request is highly suspect.
You see, now I start getting friended by nondescript Latin American women, all with real-sounding names and nonsexual profiles. This here is Libertad Mendoza. 
This is Ariana Enriquez. She's a systems engineer with a good 400 friends. Her wall looks completely normal, and I suppose I could complain about her tendency to type like a 9-year-old ("ALiStaNdOO,,mis MaLeTAs,,Xk mAñAna,,SalgOo,,muy temPranOo,paRa,,la,,cOstA,,AdIsFrUtar De La PlAYiTa Con Mi NiÑo,,hermosOo,,t amo,,mi bb.") but perhaps that's just nitpicking.
Having exhausted their supply of photos of Hispanic women in suggestive poses, the spammers now turn to fictional anime women in suggestive poses. Here's Mexico City's own Jen Rivera, friends with about 100 men, whose interests include Limp Bizkit, Vin Diesel, Vin Bizkit and Limp Diesel (OK, I made those last two up). She likes friendship and dancing and the city of Bandung, Indonesia. I am intrigued, but I'm not about to start a relationship with a cartoon character. Unless it's Jessica Rabbit.
Finally, the spammers, frustrated at the ineffectiveness of their approach, give it one last shot. This here below is Diani Llerenita. They're trying to make me curious, see? They think that by now I'm addicted to photos of strange Hispanic women ages 12-22 and I'll be unable to resist the lure of Diani's cryptic silhouette. Well, not on my watch, assholes.
Hilarious!
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