My future thesis?

A brief guide to Katy Perry metaphors from her latest CD, “Teenage Dreams”, songs 1-12, in order.

1. We drove to Cali and got drunk on the beach

Got a motel and built a floor out of sheets

I finally found you, my missing puzzle piece

I'm complete

(Puzzle piece means penis.)

2. We went streaking in the park

Skinny dipping in the dark

Then had a menage a trois

Last Friday night

(OK, no metaphor here.)

3. California girls, we're unforgettable

Daisy dukes, bikinis on top

Sun-kissed skin, so hot

We'll melt your popsicle

(Popsicle means penis.)

4. 'Cause baby, you're a firework

Come on, show 'em what you're worth

Make 'em go, oh

As you shoot across the sky

(The “oh” part is an orgasm, and what’s shooting across the sky is, well, you can imagine.)

5. I wanna see your peacock, cock, cock, your peacock, cock

Your peacock, cock, cock, your peacock

I wanna see your peacock, cock, cock, your peacock, cock

Your peacock, cock, cock, your peacock

(Yep.)

6. You fall asleep during foreplay

'Cause the pills you take are more your forte

I'm not sticking around

To watch you go down

(In case it’s not clear, what’s going down here is the erection of the fella she’s talking about in this song.)

7. Summer after high school when we first met

We make out in your Mustang to Radiohead

(She uses “Radiohead” to slyly suggest she was giving him head in the Mustang. No one makes out to Radiohead.)

8. Kiss me, ki-ki-kiss me

Infect me with your love and

Fill me with your poison

(Love means penis, poison means jizz. Or viceversa.)

9. I can feel this lightness inside of me

Growing fast into a bolt of lightning

I know one spark will shock the world, yeah yeah

(Lightness means penis, bolt of lightning means erection, spark means orgasm.)

10. She is a pyramid

But with him she's just a grain of sand

This love's too strong like my cement

Squeezing out the life that should be let in

(Cement means vagina, life means penis.)

11. The taste of your honey is so sweet

When you give me that hummingbird heartbeat

(Honey means jizz, hummingbird heartbeat means penis.)

12. He put it on me, I put it on

Like there was nothin' wrong

It didn't fit, it wasn't right

Wasn't just the size

They say you know when you know

I don't know

I didn't feel

The fairy tale feeling, no

Am I a stupid girl

For even dreaming that I could?

(I’m outta here.)